7.35p.m
Dear diary..
today is a terrible day. somehow i was reminded of how sad, depressed, disappointed i could get in a relationship. and how lonely i could feel at the split second. no for that 20-30 mins period. how hurt i could get. how hurt by a guy i love. maybe i shouldnt be blogging this down if is all pure sad memories. after tons of arguement. i came to only one conclusion " are u sick of this relationship and all these arguements?" or "are u sick of me? "


for being alone at that point. or feeling alone. i thought i could take it easy. but i took it a little too hard. i didnt realise all this tension, anger, hurts could build up in me so much that all you do is to give me a look, a nodd or anything, an expression to cause that eruption in me. yes. i exploded. and i hell care anything. i made my stand. would u give in? no. u have to argue back even when my tears are falling like mad. even when i collapse and loose control of myself in public.
all fair in a fight. there's no one to judge who's wrong or right. but this time, i just wish you could let me win; and i did. i won it painfully. it caused a scar right on my heart. i said hurtful words and i care i did hurt you. but what you said. and done. can you un-said it or un-done it? perhaps u didnt realise the amount of hurt you did to me too. that i felt so much to slap you at that moment. bcos the person i knew wasnt there anymore.


i'm tired of being concern of hurting you. instead. who's consoling me. and in the end. yes u'll console me just becos' i begged for one. so pathetic? and then i didnt do anything wrong. maybe i assume that. but i dont care. i have many valid reasons to prove my point. but proving that point would hurt me outright when i say it in your face.Yes you would apologise over and over. Yes you would change. but such words are purely words. i dont need any promises. i only want to see actions done. i'm not that good either. all i try is to improve and maybe i didnt go very far. so i'll remain like this and so will you and one day we wait for the ultimate choice- the leave me alone Solution.


i'm just a woman. and i ask for nothing more but to be consoled when i need to. a shoulder to lean on. i cant say much now. after what is said and done. could everything be erased ? no. i only wish i could forgive it all. but i cant seems to forget it now..i'm feeling so tired of everything.... i'm drifting away from reality. i'm feeling grumpy and miserable. and abit numbed from all this pain.